$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
