Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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