thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
