I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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