Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
