she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
