I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
