There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
