those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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