I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
