Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
