i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
