She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
