In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
