He disabled his match.com account in front of me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
