Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize