some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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