I accidentally burped into my bong.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
