he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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