Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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