Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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