Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
