hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
