Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
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