I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
