So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
