dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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