season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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