Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
