i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
this hospital has no fireball
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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