I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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