i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
