The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
