the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
