In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize