My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
