My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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