she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
