I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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