I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We have so much sex to catch up on
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
