Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
