Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
