SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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