Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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