I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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