i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize