I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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