I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
