What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
