I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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