What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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