Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
