So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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