Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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