You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Mom said you looked used
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
