just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
