I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
