This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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