Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Duck Duck Cougar?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
