For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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