Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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