yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
