It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
