Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
