I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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