I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
A bitchslap is in order.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
