In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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