btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
