I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Barsexuality is the new black.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
