Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
