Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
