It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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