i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
