marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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