just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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