He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
