Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
